Writing is a lot harder than I thought especially with 3 kids keeping you busy. I have also still been trying to juggle my life and that too is hard. On April 1st I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant with my 4th child and as much I had wished it was a bad April fools joke it wasn't. I had so many emotions running through me and I wasn't sure what my true feelings were. Mad was one honest feeling because I had been working hard to lose weight and hadn't got below 150 yet. Not to mention I barely had a handle on juggling the girls and my 10 month old son. But once the morning sickness mellowed out a bit I allowed myself to be happy for my growing family.
I'm in my 2nd trimester and just taking it one day at a time. My house looks like a disaster area, homeschooling is going slow and I haven't crafted in months. Hoping to change all that and get a handle on my life.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
T25 Focus week 4 update
Sorry for the absence, but I have been trying to balance life (and laundry). But I have great news to share. I am staying focused and have entered week 4 of T25. It wasn't easy, but when I thought I couldn't do the workout I had to remind myself that it was only 25mins.
I have noticed that if I don't get it done by 4pm I struggle getting ready and probably because I am trying to get dinner ready and feeling fatigue from the long day with the kids. I've also learned it is very important to prep meals. I am not a cook and somehow always wait until the last minute to cook so I tend to make unhealthy choices. So to help with snacking I plan on ordering Shakeology and prepping my meals better.
I'm not going to ruin my results, but I will say 4 weeks in and I'm seeing results. I can only imagine what the next 6 weeks will do. I can't wait to post my results and decide what program I will be starting next. Beachbody has so many amazing workout programs it's hard to choose, but I am sure which ever one I choose I will love and have amazing results.
If your going through your own journey I want say to hang in there and push yourself. In the beginning it's hard and you keep telling yourself "I can't!", but really you need to tell yourself "it's only my foundation".
Keep strong!
I have noticed that if I don't get it done by 4pm I struggle getting ready and probably because I am trying to get dinner ready and feeling fatigue from the long day with the kids. I've also learned it is very important to prep meals. I am not a cook and somehow always wait until the last minute to cook so I tend to make unhealthy choices. So to help with snacking I plan on ordering Shakeology and prepping my meals better.
I'm not going to ruin my results, but I will say 4 weeks in and I'm seeing results. I can only imagine what the next 6 weeks will do. I can't wait to post my results and decide what program I will be starting next. Beachbody has so many amazing workout programs it's hard to choose, but I am sure which ever one I choose I will love and have amazing results.
If your going through your own journey I want say to hang in there and push yourself. In the beginning it's hard and you keep telling yourself "I can't!", but really you need to tell yourself "it's only my foundation".
Keep strong!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Weight loss Journey
Like most of you I set out to lose weight this year especially after having my son 8 months ago. I grew up never having to worry about my weight and working out to stay fit. I could eat what I wanted and never gain a pound. Well that all changed in 2007 when I was pregnant with my first child.
I have never been able to get my body back to anywhere near the size I was before kids. Now I am 3 kids in and I still can't get back on track. I know what to do, but something seems to be holding me back. I get into a slump and let negative thoughts enter my mind. How can I keep going when it's simpler to just give up and fail? But what kind of example am I giving if I just quit.
So I am ready to make the life change and not just a diet here and work out every once in a few months. I need a change and I needed it months ago. So I am starting the beach body program T25 Focus founded by Shaun T to help me drop the pounds and get my body back. Hopefully by the end of my life journey I will have the spiritual growth and match with my new body. There are lots of other great programs out there, but I needed someone quick but still give me great results. (I personally love Zumba and was able to lose 20 lbs in 3 months doing it, but I want to try T25 Focus out).
To help me stay accountable I will be posting my information here and even before and after pictures. The program is 10 weeks long and the best thing about it is it only takes 25 mins to complete. I can take 25 mins out of my day to get my life back.
I will posting my stats this weekend and I hope I stay on the right track and learn new things about fitness and my body along the way. So far I am 2 days in the program and the first day was a struggle, but I stuck with it. I am hoping once the weather warms up I can get outside more and add running to my daily workout.
Thanks for reading my post and helping me stay accountable.
I have never been able to get my body back to anywhere near the size I was before kids. Now I am 3 kids in and I still can't get back on track. I know what to do, but something seems to be holding me back. I get into a slump and let negative thoughts enter my mind. How can I keep going when it's simpler to just give up and fail? But what kind of example am I giving if I just quit.
So I am ready to make the life change and not just a diet here and work out every once in a few months. I need a change and I needed it months ago. So I am starting the beach body program T25 Focus founded by Shaun T to help me drop the pounds and get my body back. Hopefully by the end of my life journey I will have the spiritual growth and match with my new body. There are lots of other great programs out there, but I needed someone quick but still give me great results. (I personally love Zumba and was able to lose 20 lbs in 3 months doing it, but I want to try T25 Focus out).
To help me stay accountable I will be posting my information here and even before and after pictures. The program is 10 weeks long and the best thing about it is it only takes 25 mins to complete. I can take 25 mins out of my day to get my life back.
I will posting my stats this weekend and I hope I stay on the right track and learn new things about fitness and my body along the way. So far I am 2 days in the program and the first day was a struggle, but I stuck with it. I am hoping once the weather warms up I can get outside more and add running to my daily workout.
Thanks for reading my post and helping me stay accountable.
Let The healing begin
This post is very sensitive in nature and the topic is not to be taken lightly. All things posted are from my life and in order to grow I must share this.
As a young child I enjoyed playing and going on adventures with my brother and cousin. My favorite toys to play with were a hoola hoop and a skip it. I still remember the song from the commercials. Good times. So how did I end up here...stuck not living life.
I had someone I trusted to look after me, protect me and love me sexually abuse me at a young age. I never told anyone and I wanted to hide my secret forever. Only that never happened. My secret came out (very public I might add) and my fears were becoming true. I am not really sure why I never told someone before, but I have a few guesses. I didn't want to see this person in trouble, I was only about 7 or 8 and didn't understand what had happened to me, or was it because I knew no one would care or believe me.
I felt alone and confused. Why didn't they believe me. Instead they asked him if he touched me and what do you think his response was? "No! She's lying". Simple as that. I had suppressed the memory trying to pretend it never happened, but I was unable to shake the memory of the cold bathroom floor. I just wanted him to tell the truth and try to move on, but it angered me (to the core) that he lied and she believed him. Right there I think is when everything came crashing down. I felt betrayed and unloved. Not a feeling a young girl should have to feel. I wanted to die and get it over with because life didn't seem worth living.
I would try years later to talk to "her" and explain my heart, but it fell among deaf ears. She once told me "it happens...it happened to me...you just don't talk about". It was suppose to be a family secret that got swept under the rug so to speak. Buried. Never to be spoken of again.
After a deep intense counseling session (was suppose to be confession) I was told to forgive him and pray for him. Not the answer I wanted to hear, but I needed to listen and understand where he was coming from. By me holding onto this much pain for 22 years it was eating me up inside like a cancer. I let him have control of my life and years after the incident still hurt me. After sitting and discussing with the priest I felt so at peace. Tears ran down my face like a river and I felt the weight of this dark secret coming off my shoulders. But now I was stuck with having to pray for this person and forgive him.
I went years hating him and now I am to release that hate if I want to release myself from this prison I put myself in. Now coincidence or not, but when I got home after confession I checked my mail and to my surprise I received a letter from him. My heart went into panic mode and I was scared. It took me about a week to open the letter and only because I knew there was nothing of importance in the letter so why bother. But wait. What if there was? What if he apologized? I sat up one night going over ever senerio in my head until I couldn't take it. Just holding the letter gave me chills and thoughts of the cold bathroom floor amongst my backside. Well nothing of real importance was in the letter as expected and instead of even trying to apologize he points blame for his downfall in life. I was blown away and angry yet again.
Do I write him back and if so what do I say. (Remember what the priest said is what I keep reminding myself). After months I decided to write back and I wrote how he ruined my life and how much I loved him and he took advantage of me. I wrote other things that I wanted to get off my chest. But you know what that letter sits on my desk and I am okay with that. Somehow writing that letter and knowing that I would never get the answers I look for bought me some peace. I need to release myself and start the healing. This one incidence has stopped me enjoying life long enough.
I want to say thank you for reading this post and following me on my journey.
As a young child I enjoyed playing and going on adventures with my brother and cousin. My favorite toys to play with were a hoola hoop and a skip it. I still remember the song from the commercials. Good times. So how did I end up here...stuck not living life.
I had someone I trusted to look after me, protect me and love me sexually abuse me at a young age. I never told anyone and I wanted to hide my secret forever. Only that never happened. My secret came out (very public I might add) and my fears were becoming true. I am not really sure why I never told someone before, but I have a few guesses. I didn't want to see this person in trouble, I was only about 7 or 8 and didn't understand what had happened to me, or was it because I knew no one would care or believe me.
I felt alone and confused. Why didn't they believe me. Instead they asked him if he touched me and what do you think his response was? "No! She's lying". Simple as that. I had suppressed the memory trying to pretend it never happened, but I was unable to shake the memory of the cold bathroom floor. I just wanted him to tell the truth and try to move on, but it angered me (to the core) that he lied and she believed him. Right there I think is when everything came crashing down. I felt betrayed and unloved. Not a feeling a young girl should have to feel. I wanted to die and get it over with because life didn't seem worth living.
I would try years later to talk to "her" and explain my heart, but it fell among deaf ears. She once told me "it happens...it happened to me...you just don't talk about". It was suppose to be a family secret that got swept under the rug so to speak. Buried. Never to be spoken of again.
After a deep intense counseling session (was suppose to be confession) I was told to forgive him and pray for him. Not the answer I wanted to hear, but I needed to listen and understand where he was coming from. By me holding onto this much pain for 22 years it was eating me up inside like a cancer. I let him have control of my life and years after the incident still hurt me. After sitting and discussing with the priest I felt so at peace. Tears ran down my face like a river and I felt the weight of this dark secret coming off my shoulders. But now I was stuck with having to pray for this person and forgive him.
I went years hating him and now I am to release that hate if I want to release myself from this prison I put myself in. Now coincidence or not, but when I got home after confession I checked my mail and to my surprise I received a letter from him. My heart went into panic mode and I was scared. It took me about a week to open the letter and only because I knew there was nothing of importance in the letter so why bother. But wait. What if there was? What if he apologized? I sat up one night going over ever senerio in my head until I couldn't take it. Just holding the letter gave me chills and thoughts of the cold bathroom floor amongst my backside. Well nothing of real importance was in the letter as expected and instead of even trying to apologize he points blame for his downfall in life. I was blown away and angry yet again.
Do I write him back and if so what do I say. (Remember what the priest said is what I keep reminding myself). After months I decided to write back and I wrote how he ruined my life and how much I loved him and he took advantage of me. I wrote other things that I wanted to get off my chest. But you know what that letter sits on my desk and I am okay with that. Somehow writing that letter and knowing that I would never get the answers I look for bought me some peace. I need to release myself and start the healing. This one incidence has stopped me enjoying life long enough.
I want to say thank you for reading this post and following me on my journey.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
This is me
I am getting older and life is moving fast, but I find that I am standing still. I can't seem to move forward. That's what this blog is all about. Growing in every sense of the word.
I want to be able to start living life again with my family and not watch from the sidelines as they grow and make memories. So what is holding me back? Not really sure, but I hope that by writing it out and taking each day as it comes I will find my happy place in life and start enjoying it. Now don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful loving children and a roof over my head. What's to complain about you might ask. I'm not so much complaining just trying to still figure my life out and that's where my spiritual growth will come into play. I'm 29 years old and I've let the past hold me back for 22 years. Time to take my life back. In this blog you can expect to see the truth and all my flaws (please don't judge) and along the way I hope to also share happy memories.
This may seem easy to some, but for me it's going to take a while because I am working from the inside out and doing a lot of soul searching and healing. Something that is long overdue and much needed for me to be the person I know deep down I am capable of being. Not only for me, but for my husband and kids who need me. Not 10% or even 90%. They deserve all of me and that's where I'm at.
I want to be able to start living life again with my family and not watch from the sidelines as they grow and make memories. So what is holding me back? Not really sure, but I hope that by writing it out and taking each day as it comes I will find my happy place in life and start enjoying it. Now don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful loving children and a roof over my head. What's to complain about you might ask. I'm not so much complaining just trying to still figure my life out and that's where my spiritual growth will come into play. I'm 29 years old and I've let the past hold me back for 22 years. Time to take my life back. In this blog you can expect to see the truth and all my flaws (please don't judge) and along the way I hope to also share happy memories.
This may seem easy to some, but for me it's going to take a while because I am working from the inside out and doing a lot of soul searching and healing. Something that is long overdue and much needed for me to be the person I know deep down I am capable of being. Not only for me, but for my husband and kids who need me. Not 10% or even 90%. They deserve all of me and that's where I'm at.
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